As Scientific Fact Magazine‘s only certified Internet Movie Expert™, I didn’t feel the need to actually watch the Academy Awards this year because I already knew who was going to win an Oscar. Also, I was too busy catching up on The Mandalorian. That show kicks ass and I only had a limited amount of time before my Disney+ free trial expired.
But surprise, Brad Pitt finally won an Oscar this year for his role in Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood. Shout out to Brad for finally catching his big break! The guy should’ve won an Oscar years ago, but apparently the Academy is just now learning that Pitt is a leading man. Not just the shirtless guy in Thelma & Louise who pushes their car over a cliff.
Here’s this Brad Pitt fellow’s top five movies, according to me, an Internet Movie Expert™/Drinker of Choco Milks™:
Se7en a.k.a. SeSevenen
Brad Pitt stars as a young, hot-headed detective with an idealistic outlook but also a shoot first mentality. Just like in The Mandalorian season 1 episode 2 where the Mandalorian has a shoot-first mentality and disintegrates a bunch of Jawas that were scavenging his ship while he was away saving Baby Yoda.
Brad Pitt is Lieutenant Aldo Raine who rounds up recruits for an elite commando unit to instill fear among German soldiers during World War II. Just like that scene in The Mandalorian season 1 episode 2 where the Mandalorian is negotiating for his ship parts back with the Jawas. Then they make fun of him and he shoots his flamethrower to instill fear in the Jawas and possibly recruit them for his elite commando unit. Or he was just trying to melt their scalps.
Brad Pitt is a soap salesman who opens up an underground fight club and tries to start a social revolution with his depressed partner. Just like in The Mandalorian season 1 episode 2 where the Mandalorian goes underground to fight and club the mudhorn for its delicious hairy, Cadbury-like egg. Then tries to start a revolution (i.e. a space crew) with a partner (Kuill) but is denied.
Another Brad Pitt role sees him as an incomprehensible boxer caught up in a comedic crime caper where a lot of people get hurt while trying to steal a precious diamond. Just like in The Mandalorian season 1 episode 2 when a lot of thick-accented Jawas were mercilessly hurt while attempting to steal precious
diamonds ship parts from the Mandalorian. I’m not sure any of the Jawas were boxers though, what with their short reach and tiny fists.
In the recent Ocean’s trilogy (Ocean’s Eleven, Ocean’s Twelve, and Ocean’s Thirteen), Brad Pitt plays Rusty, a career thief who sets out with his buddies to steal stuff and get into all sorts of mischief. Just like in The Mandalorian season 1 episode 2 where the mischievous Jawas set out to steal stuff from the Mandalorian’s ship and get into all sorts of trouble/all sorts of disintegrations.
Look, I’ll be honest with you, a few notes about The Mandalorian may have slipped into my mind while writing this article. Not sure where I’m going with all of this so I’m going to do the abrupt Saturday Night Live thing where a skit just ends immediately and we fade off to commercial and the audience looks at each other and confusingly claps and hey look here’s a picture:
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