To everyone reading this sentence at this moment, it is with great pride that I announce I have become a movie reviewer on the internet!
I mean, I’m still creating the best movie lists on the internet, but now I’m adding movie reviews to my repertoire.
Before I review Ford vs. Ferrari, I just want to say I am honored to become a soon-to-be highly-regarded movie reviewer on the internet. My certification as a movie reviewer is…certified by the fact that I am writing a movie review on the internet. Also, I read the WikiHow on how to write movie reviews so now I’m probably overqualified.
I’m eternally grateful for the support I’ve received to become a movie reviewer. Family, friends, frenemies, the guy at Safeway who looks at me funny after I buy a bag of pickled pigs feet – I assume you were always pushing me to become a guy who reviews movies on the internet.
I’ve faced several challenges on my way here. For example, I’ve overcome my lack of not watching movies by actually watching movies. I’ve trained diligently to hone my skills as a movie reviewer and I can declare I’m now able to successfully position my eyeballs towards a screen while a movie plays. A crucial requirement for movie reviewers. Also, I’ve learned to use trendy movie reviewer lingo like, “ooh that was cool” or “ooh that wasn’t cool” or “whoa there sure were a lot of trees in that scene.”
Becoming a movie reviewer would not have been possible without the inspiration I have received from other movie reviewers. Like that guy who screams real loud on YouTube, the guy who doesn’t scream really loud on YouTube, and Gene Shalit, for whom I have the deepest respect, mainly because of his sweet, sweet handlebar mustache. Godspeed, Mr. Shalit’s mustache. Godspeed.
In summary, thank you. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears – all of which I will send in jars to my Twitter followers. But it was worth it to finally become a movie reviewer on the internet.
Oh right, Ford vs. Ferrari…
…I don’t know, cars go vroom vroom movie is good go watch it:
Click the image to stream Ford vs. Ferrari: