REVIEW: Knives Out

Knives Out is a witty, modern-day “whodunit” film. A “whodunit” is what we Internet Movie Experts™ call a movie where the audience tries to figure out “who dun it?” The plot revolves around a patriach’s death being investigated by a master detective while the family squabbles over the massive inheritance. Everyone is a suspect and the different lies and clues keep this mystery movie on knife’s edge (pun intended) until the very end.

Rian Johnson (best known for enraging nerds for his direction of Star Wars: The Last Jedi), wrote and directed Knives Out. The movie has an all-star ensemble cast featuring Daniel Craig, Ana de Armas, Jamie Lee Curtis, Chris Evans, Don Johnson, Michael Shannon, Toni Collette and the guy who played General Chang in Star Trek VI.

So, now it’s time to sharpen up your reading knives by reading my cutting review of Knives Out. That is a horrible attempt to cleverly add knife references to this paragraph. I am ashamed. Dr. Ginsu is probably rolling in his grave.

PROS!

• Chris Evans is cast as the scene-stealing, pompous grandson Ransom Drysdale. Described as a ‘spoiled trust fund playboy.’ Ransom is the sweater-wearing character who angers everyone and is here for all the salt. He revels in his family’s pettiness and tells them to all “eat shit” in what can only be the greatest scene to ever grace your eyeballs today. Let’s take a watch:

• That’s the good stuff, right there. I want to hook that up directly to my brain cells. I’m gonna watch that clip again, hold on.

• I guess the rest of the movie was good, too. I don’t know, I was too distracted by the ‘eat shit’ scene. Also, the house was pretty cool.

CONS!

• There wasn’t more of Chris Evans telling people to eat shit. That’s a big con in my book.

• After that scene, I had to find the Roku remote so I could rewind the movie to watch the Chris Evans ‘eat shit’ scene again. Fumbling through my couch cushions in the dark and trying to find the rewind button totally ruined my immersion.

• But no seriously, that was the best part of the movie. That ‘eat shit’ scene should’ve been the entire movie. And they could’ve renamed the movie “Knives Chris Evans Tells People to Eat Shit for 2 Hours Out.” I would’ve watched that in IMAX.

You’ve successfully completed another universally-loved movie review! Is Knives Out a good movie? Yes. Are the people who claim they figured out the real truth before the movie ended big fat liars? Yes. Did I figure out the real truth before the movie ended? Yes.

999,989 stars

out of 1,000,000 stars

If you click the image below you can watch Knives Out on Amazon Video and maybe Jeff Bezos will give me a small pittance to buy a sweater as cool as Chris Evans’.